My Dad wasn’t there to watch me take my first breath. He didn’t cheer me on at my soccer games. He missed walking me down the aisle. He wasn’t there for so many of my life’s most important moments. The picture above is the only one I could find of us together.

He was in and out of prison, and I was a broken little girl willing to do anything to earn love from my father..

Until one day I realized—

I don’t have to earn love because God already loves me.

My Dad’s mistakes didn’t define me anymore.

My story doesn’t have to be my Dad’s story.

I get to choose what my future holds.

And I’m here to tell you that you have that same choice.

MY Dad being in jail was all I’d ever known…

I can still hear the buzzing of the prison doors opening in the back of my mind, just like it was yesterday. Getting scanned up and down, going through the routine to get to see my Dad. Whether it was through the glass on a phone, or at a table face to face, that is how I remember getting to spend time with him as a child.

I was raised by my grandparents and my Dad has been in and out of jail my entire life (I am 28 now). He would spend a few years in prison then would get out for not even a year, and the whole cycle would start all over again. It was emotionally exhausting. He would write to me in jail…it’s sad because that’s when I feel like he gave the most effort into being a Dad. He would draw me really pretty pictures in the letters, and in them he would make promises he couldn’t keep . As a little girl, I had so much of my hope wrapped into him, blinded by my dream to have a good Dad in my life. So when he was in, I believed what he said and then would watch the inevitable– he would string my heart along just long enough for me to get it broken again. I spent a lot of time wishing he would make it to my soccer games, help me out with homework, talk to me about boys, make dinner for me, and just be a Dad. 

I can guess that you can relate to a lot of these things , and that breaks my heart to think about. In the past I’ve spent a lot of time crying out to God, and wishing He would have given me a Dad who stayed. But now I know if He did, I wouldn’t be able to connect with you in this way right now.

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Jesus-

It’s impossible to tell my story without this next part -- When I was around 13 I had an experience with Jesus that changed everything. I suddenly knew what the perfect love of a father really was -- that there was a God who was never going to leave me or run out on me. I still had a lot of questions and doubts, but the more I got to know Him and His undeniable love for me, the more I was able to let that go. I stopped blaming God for who my Dad was, and started praising Him for who He was. That He created me to love me, and has a purpose for my life that was bigger than I could’ve ever dreamed. I don’t know where you are at with your faith, and that’s okay. I’m not here to pressure you into anything. I just know that I can’t tell my story without talking about how God saved me. Because I accepted Him into my heart, my story looks different from everyone else in my family. Because of Him, I do not struggle with addiction. I have a husband who treats me like I am the best thing to walk the planet, and four sons who bring so much joy to my life. My life is surrounded by others who love me deeply, and I can honestly say I wake up every day so happy that my life looks this way. I tell you all of this to remind you that this can be yours too. That your life can look however you want it to. That you have a woman who's never met you, but wants to just wrap you up in a big hug, and tell you that everything is going to be okay. And lastly, you have a Heavenly Father who's never left your side. 

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Here I am now…